A MUSICAL PORTRAIT OF MY WIFE

My wife and I are very well-matched musically. I can't stress enough how important this is and how incredibly lucky I realize I am. Can you imagine spending the rest of your life with someone who listens to completely wack shit? Or worse, someone who doesn't share your genuine excitement about any music at all, who kinda likes everything she thinks she should like -- every generic, easy-to-swallow Norah Jones or Black Eyed Peas that comes along -- but doesn't truly feel anything or have any tastes of her own?

The conventional wisdom is that the most important factor in a relationship or marriage is to possess the same values, to believe in the same fundamental principles, such as the sanctity of family, the dignity of hard work, etc., etc., blah blah blah. I think this is pure bollocks. Balls. Balderdash. Big biscuits of bullshit. More often than not, such so-called shared values are just meaningless cliches uttered by holier-than-thou individuals trying to elevate themselves above those they consider sinners and sex fiends. I mean, these principles aren't exactly unique. How many people would admit they don't think family or work are good things?

Don't get me wrong, I love being married and I adore my wife. But there are other qualities that I believe are just as important to our continued love and happiness as all that shared-values stuff. For example, we both worship the sun and dig spending time on the beach. We have similar diets: healthy but flavorful, with lots of spice. We both like rum and mojitos and plum wine. And finally, music is a big part of our lives: we love discovering new sounds and we enjoy lots of musical moments together.

Our tastes aren't perfectly aligned, but that's probably a good thing. When I first met her, she was a bit too into Lilleth-Fair fare for my liking -- you know, Ani DiFranco, Shawn Colvin, Melissa Etheridge, that whole estrogen-centric bag. And she has a few musical skeletons in her closet: she's a sucker for dance remixes by J-Lo, Britney, etc. When we first moved in together, it was very difficult for me to accept integrating our CD collections. What if a visitor came over and mistook her Madonna CDs for mine?!

But I'm making it sound worse than it is. The truth is my lady has pretty damn great musical taste. For example, she turned me on to Who Is Jill Scott? Words and Sounds, Vol. 1. At the time (2000), I was skeptical of anything that reeked of spoken word poetry (OK, I still am), and I was missing out on an amazingly talented artist whom I ended up enjoying for years to come.

She also turned me on to Radiohead's OK Computer. To Grace Jones' Nightclubbing. And plenty more.

Some of her musical gods include Fela Kuti (this alone puts her in the 99.9th percentile in my book) and Led Zeppellin (when she rocks it out, she bangs her head and shakes her great curly Slash-like hair -- it's a beautiful sight).

She's also got a thing for certain blue-eyed soul artists. She loves Justin Timberlake's "Cry Me a River" song. And she can't get enough of Joe Cocker. We bang his live joint Mad Dogs & Englishmen on the regular.

Unfortunately, in the blue-eyed soul category, she also loves Kenny Loggins' "This Is It." And she's a fan of some questionable soft-rock nuggets like Chuck Mangione's "Feels so Good." But truth be told, I kinda like Loggins and Mangione, too.

Off the top of my head, here is a brief list of her other musical faves: Ella Fitzgerald & Duke Ellington Live in Stockholm; Sarah Vaughan; Nina Simone; Al Green's "Love and Happiness"; Donny Hathaway's "A Song for You"; Marvin Gaye's "Got To Give It Up"; Bill Withers's "Can We Pretend?"; Funkadelic's "I'll Stay"; Van Morrison's "Sweet Thing" and his early Bang Masters CD; the Rolling Stones' "Gimme Shelter" and "Miss You"; John Lennon's "(Just Like) Starting Over"; the Allman Brothers; early Rod Stewart with the Faces; Buena Vista Social Club, Ibrahim Ferrer, etc.; Bob Marley's Kaya; Portishead; Brazilian Girls; the Gorillaz' Demon Days; Coldplay's Parachutes; Pearl Jam; David Gray's White Ladder; Lauryn Hill's "Just Like Water"; Van Hunt's "What Can I Say (for Millicent)"; the Roots, particularly their collaborations with female singers like Erykah, Jilly, and Jaguar Wright; Common's "The Corner"; Mobb Deep's "Shook Ones, Pt 2"; Jay-Z's "I Just Wanna Love You (Give It to Me)," "Lucifer," and his whole Unplugged CD with the Roots, particularly "Heart of the City (Ain't No Love)" where Jaguar just kills it.

In recent months, new tracks that have captured her ears include: Bilal's cover of Radiohead's "High and Dry"; "Don't Feel Right" and the title track from the Roots' Game Theory; "Daydream" by Lupe Fiasco with Jill Scott on the hook; and "These Streets" by Tanya Stephens.

I would even go out on a limb and say that part of my hunger for discovering new music is because of her. I want to impress her by introducing her to new songs, keeping her constantly musically stimulated, and making music a continuing part of our lives. She also acts as a sort of bullshit detector; if I hear something, and I'm not quite sure if I like it or not, I play it for her and test her reaction. If she's not digging it, chances are it will fall off my playlist pretty quickly. And if the first 30 seconds of the song make her go, "Ohhh shit" or "He's about to drop the beat, yo!" -- her signs of musical approval -- I know it's a keeper.

Her birthday was yesterday, and that's part of why I'm devoting this post to her. When we got married a few years ago, she gave me a wedding present: an iPod. On the back she had it ingraved: "Here's to a lifetime of harmonies." Now tell me -- how lucky am I?! What an amazing gift, and what a beautiful message. That about says it all. The key to a long-lasting marriage/relationship really isn't flowers and diamond rings and values-shmalues. It's about continuing to enjoy each other and to revel together in what we love (sweet plum wine, the sensation of sun on our skin, music that makes us smile). For me, it's about continuing to make her go "Ohhh shit." I think we're doing pretty well...